An Open Letter to the Original Field Roast Company

To Whom It May Concern

Re: Your "Frankfurters"

I was in my local grocery story and saw your vegan hot dogs and was quite excited. I eat very little meat and do not consume hot dogs as a rule of thumb. Generally my choices have been confined to the Yves brand of meatless meat substitutes which range from terrible (their "burger" patties) to not bad (their version of hot dogs). So seeing something new immediately piqued my interest. 

I saw the price tag of $7.99 for 4 wieners (can we get a better name than a wiener or frankfurter - I feel dirty just typing it) and was a little hesitant of trying a $2 hot dog that contains no animal flesh.

But what they hell? It's only $8 and that's almost what I pay for a beer in the local pub. I am saving a ton with Covid so there is room in the budget to splurge a little.

I walked home hungry and excited to try this new product. I had fresh buns, mayo, mustard and red onions ready to go. I put a couple in the microwave per the package instructions and waited patiently for my lunch to cook.

Once out of the microwave, everything fell apart. I looked at the wiener and thought it looked a bit odd but whatever, it's not meat based. I ran my nose over the thing and became a bit concerned as this thing didn't smell that good. The wiener was a little longer than the bun on each end and not slathered with mayo and mustard so I figured I would take a bite and see what the thing actually tasted like.

OMG. This is not an exaggeration....this thing was possibly one of the worst tasting things I have ever consumed and I have traveled all over the world and tried many, many questionable things. I see the package shows that the product is a fusion of European and Asian Heritage. Let me correct you. The product is a fusion of moldy sawdust mixed with Chinese 5 spice seasoning. Lets not kid ourselves here. 

I literally gagged on the first bite. It was no better when I tried it with mayo and mustard. The mustard only lessened the gag reflex on the way down. I managed to finish the first one and then proceeded to throw out the rest. Not only was the garbage I ate a waste of money but they also managed to waste 2 perfectly delicious, bakery fresh buns in the process. 

I am not sure who, if anyone ever taste-tested this product before you unleashed this culinary disaster into the public for consumption, but they should be fired for this. This abomination of flavour and texture will set the meat substitute business back by years despite the fact there are now many good products out there that can compete with meat (I am looking at you Morningstar Chipotle Black Bean Burgers).

In any case, I felt obligated to let you know how bad this product was and should be taken out of circulation and your company should issue an apology to those people who shelled out way too much money for this sub-standard, inedible product. 

Thank you for your time and good luck going forward.

Robin